Have you ever felt hurt or angry when someone dismissed or ignored your feelings? Maybe they said something like, “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “You should be grateful.” These are examples of emotional invalidation, which can make you feel worse instead of better.
Emotional invalidation is rejecting, judging, or minimizing someone’s thoughts, feelings, or experiences. It can happen intentionally or unintentionally and can come from anyone, such as family, friends, partners, coworkers, or even strangers.
Emotional invalidation can have negative effects on your mental health, such as lowering your self-esteem, increasing your anxiety, and undermining your trust in yourself and others.
So, how can you deal with emotional invalidation? How can you respond to someone who invalidates your feelings?
What To Do When Someone Invalidates Your Feelings
Having your feelings invalidated by someone can be very hurtful and frustrating. It can make you feel misunderstood, rejected, or even ashamed of your emotions.
However, there are some things you can do to cope with emotional invalidation and stand up for yourself. Here are some suggestions:
- Recognize the invalidation. The first step is identifying when someone invalidates your feelings and how it affects you. You can ask yourself: How do I feel after talking to this person? Do they listen to me or interrupt me? Do they respect my feelings or judge them? Do they try to understand me or change me? You can avoid internalizing it or blaming yourself by being aware of the invalidation.
- Express your feelings. The next step is communicating your feelings to the person who invalidated them. You can use “I” statements to describe your feelings and needs without accusing or attacking the other person. For example, you can say: “I feel hurt when you dismiss my feelings. I need you to acknowledge and respect how I feel.” By expressing your feelings, you can assert your boundaries and educate others about how to treat you better.
- Validate yourself. Sometimes, the person who invalidated your feelings may not be willing or able to validate them. In that case, you can validate yourself by affirming and accepting your emotions. You can say positive things to yourself, such as: “My feelings are valid and important. I have the right to feel what I feel. I trust myself and my intuition.” You can also seek validation from other sources, such as supportive friends, family, or professionals, who can empathize with you and affirm your feelings.
- Walk away. Finally, suppose the person who invalidated your feelings continues to do so despite your efforts to communicate and resolve the issue. In that case, you may need to walk away from the situation or the relationship. This can be a difficult decision, but sometimes, it is the best option for your mental health and well-being. You are not obligated to stay in a situation or a relationship that is emotionally invalidating and abusive. You deserve respect and empathy from others.
This helps you deal with emotional invalidation and take care of yourself.
How Do You Respond When Someone Invalidates Your Feelings?
Your feelings are valid and important, no matter what anyone else says or does. You have the right to feel and express your emotions and don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission.
There are different ways to respond when someone invalidates your feelings, depending on the situation and your relationship with the person. Here are some possible options:
- Assert yourself. You can calmly and respectfully tell the person how their words or actions made you feel and why you disagree. For example, you can say, “What I feel is real and valid. You may disagree with how I feel, but my feelings are based on my internal experience”.
- Set boundaries. You can let the person know that you don’t appreciate their invalidation and won’t tolerate it in the future. You can also limit your contact with them or avoid certain topics that trigger their invalidation. For example, you can say, “Please don’t tell me how to feel. If you can’t respect my feelings, then I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore”.
- Seek support. You can reach out to someone who understands and validates your feelings, such as a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a support group. You can also look for online resources, such as articles, podcasts, or forums, that offer helpful advice and coping strategies.
- Practice self-care. You can do things that make you feel good and boost your self-esteem, such as engaging in hobbies, exercising, meditating, or journaling. You can also treat yourself with kindness and compassion and remind yourself of your strengths and values. For example, you can tell yourself, “I respect and honor myself when I pay attention to and accept my feelings. I know that my feelings matter and I will value the truth and wisdom they contain.”
Best Responses To Someone Who Invalidates Your Feelings
Here are the best responses you can use in different situations, depending on your goals and needs.
1. Express your feelings calmly and clearly
One simplest and most effective ways to respond to emotional invalidation is to express your feelings calmly and clearly. This can help you assert yourself, communicate your needs, and educate others about how their words or actions affect you. For example, you can say:
- “I feel hurt when you say that my feelings don’t matter.”
- “I feel angry when you ignore my requests.”
- “I feel sad when you make fun of my hobbies.”
You are not asking for the other person’s approval or agreement by expressing your feelings. You are simply stating your reality and letting them know how you feel.
2. Ask for clarification
Sometimes, emotional invalidation can be a result of misunderstanding or miscommunication. The other person may need to realize how their words or actions come across or have a different perspective or intention than you. In that case, you can ask for clarification to ensure you are on the same page. For example, you can say:
- “What do you mean by that?”
- “Can you explain why you think that way?”
- “How do you want me to feel?”
Asking for clarification can help you avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. It can also give the other person a chance to rephrase or apologize for their invalidating remarks.
3. Validate yourself
Another way to respond to emotional invalidation is to validate yourself. This means acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, regardless of what the other person says or does. You can do this by saying positive affirmations to yourself, such as:
- “My feelings are valid and important.”
- “I have the right to feel what I feel.”
- “I trust myself and my intuition.”
Validating yourself can help you boost your self-confidence, cope with stress, and reduce the impact of the other person’s invalidation. You can also seek validation from other sources, such as supportive friends, family, or professionals, who can empathize with you and affirm your feelings.
4. Set boundaries
If the other person continues to invalidate your feelings, you may need to set boundaries to protect yourself and your well-being. Boundaries are the limits you select for yourself and others based on your values, needs, and preferences. They can help you communicate what you are comfortable with, what you are not, and what the consequences are if the other person crosses the line. For example, you can say:
- “I don’t appreciate you dismissing my feelings. Please stop doing that, or I will end this conversation.”
- “I need some space right now. Please respect that, or I will block your number.”
- “I won’t tolerate you making fun of me. If you do that again, I will leave this relationship.”
Setting boundaries can help you assert your rights, maintain your dignity, and prevent further harm from the other person’s invalidation. However, setting boundaries is not enough. It would help to enforce them consistently and firmly; otherwise, the other person may not take you seriously or respect your boundaries.
5. Walk away
Sometimes, the best response to emotional invalidation is to walk away. This means removing yourself from the situation or the relationship, either temporarily or permanently, depending on the severity and frequency of the invalidation. Walking away can help you avoid further conflict, stress, or damage and give you time and space to heal and recover. For example, you can say:
- “I can’t talk to you right now. I need some time to calm down and process my feelings.”
- “I don’t think this is working out. I need to end this relationship and move on with my life.”
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t be around you anymore. You are toxic and harmful to me, and I deserve better.”
Walking away can be difficult and painful, especially if you care about the other person or have a long history with them.
However, sometimes, it is the only option that can protect your mental health and happiness. You are not obligated to stay in a situation or a relationship that is emotionally invalidating and abusive.
Conclusion
Emotional invalidation can be a hurtful and harmful experience, but you don’t have to suffer in silence or accept it as normal. Depending on your goals and needs, you can respond to emotional invalidation in different ways.
The most important thing is to remember that your feelings are valid and important and that you deserve respect and empathy from others. You are not alone; you can overcome emotional invalidation and live a fulfilling and authentic life.